Loneliness

Have you ever felt lonely? Have you felt like you just aren't meeting people that you can connect with? This has been my life for the last while. I have felt like I am all alone and being the social person I am that has not been easy for me. Last night I was up way too late and I talked to a friend of mine who had just returned from the ER. She helped me a lot with some encouraging words. She reminded me that the Lord has a plan. She reminded me that the Lord has made promises to me and he has not left me without guidance. I immediately thought of my patriarchal blessing. I had not read it in so long. As I woke up today I decided that I needed to read it. It took me a while to find it because I just moved and it was buried in the bottom of a box, but I found it. When I read it I felt an immediate peace. My thoughts turned to the Lord. I thought about all the tools that I have to make sure that I am on the right path. I thought about all the ways the Lord lets me know that he is near. Prayer, scriptures, patriarchal blessings, Ensign, Jaren's blog, etc. Ok maybe Jaren's blog was a bit of a stretch, but it was worth a shot. The Lord sent us to this earth to be tested, but he did not send us alone. He gave us one another, but more importantly he gave us the Holy Ghost. It is imperative that we live worthy of His companionship. May the Lord bless us all. Use the tools given you and please help me to do the same. Thanks for all your encouragement and kind loving words.

Another point for the winning team

So it has been a while since I have written. To all of my followers... all 3 of you.. I am truly sorry. But tonight inspiration has once again filled my heart and mind and I knew it was time to write. So let's start from the beginning... Last night I was laying in bed feeling the temptations of the adversary. I was feeling like there was no hope from escaping the temptations and I would always eventually give in. As I laid in my bed helplessly I prayed to Heavenly Father practically complaining that I am never going to overcome this awful addiction that has beset me for so many years. I told the Lord that I again needed something that was going to help me keep moving on. Something that was going to help me have my heart changed and my desire to do good restored. The answer to my prayer came. The answer to my prayer was in an odd way. But I suppose answers to prayers are not usually all that conventional. On Monday night I was talking with a friend of mine about love and how it has affected my life positively and negatively. She also expressed some of her recent feelings about love and the heartbreak that comes with it. As I listened to my friend talk I decided that something needed to be done. We needed to surround ourselves with good friends. I told her that she and I were going to go on a "super date". We were going to spend the whole day doing things that we wanted to do and not thinking about things we had to do. So we were wanting to plan something for this week, but with schedule conflicts it ended up that we were only able to catch a movie. It was a start. On the way to the movie and as the movie was starting we were caught up in the same conversation that we were in on Tuesday. Just as the movie was about to begin I told my friend that I would rather be where she is feeling pain then to be where I am and feel nothing. Then the movie began. Mind you this movie started at 12:00 am. It was the first showing in this theater and pretty much anywhere in town. My friend was anxious to see this movie. It is called "The proposal". I had no idea that a romantic comedy would be the answer to my prayer. I was riveted. The movie was exactly what I needed. I needed to feel again. This movie provided that for me. I know this sounds crazy, but I was replenished by love. Love is real. It is an intricate part of the Lord's gospel. We are commanded to love one another. I realize that this is quite cheesy... but as far as I am concerned cheesy is good. Again the Lord shows his love in a way that I never expected. Amazing that the Lord knows what we need, when we need it, and how we need it to be delivered. I guess that is another point for the winning team.

Constant reminders

I was thinking today about why it is that we go to church. Why do I even bother? What do I even get out of it? A good friend of mine back a few years ago said that he has a hard time attending church because there just isn't anything new taught. I got to thinking about that today. I had a really great time in church today.. but I didn't learn anything new. In fact is was a pretty basic set of meetings. Bishop talked about the law of chastity and how we need to be better. Sunday school was about temples. Sacrament had a theme related to gratitude and the savior. So why was I so touched and moved? Why did today make a difference in my life? I came to the conclusion that today was great because I was reminded of the goodness of the Lord. I was reminded that the savior died for me. I think the key to leading a successful life is constant reminders that the Lord is there and Christ's atonement is real. I took a walk tonight after my roommate went to bed. I needed to clear my head a bit. As I soaked in the fresh Utah air and listened to some inspiring music the moon caught my eye. I just stared at the moon in awe at what an amazing creation it is. I never cease to be amazed at what the Lord's hand has created. I feel so loved.

Blessing in disguise

So the other day I was thinking that I needed to get my life back on track. I was starting to slack on prayer and scripture study. The problem was, I had no motivation to do it. I was caught in the snare of laziness. Well, I decided to try to pray and tell the Lord how I was feeling. I was not expecting anything to really happen because I was basically telling the Lord that I was not committed to keeping his commandments. A couple of days went by. On Saturday night I received a phone call from a girl in my past. I was excited to hear her voice because there were some great memories and she is a really cool girl. On the other hand I was nervous because I had done some things with this girl that I was not proud of. I felt some of those old feelings coming back during the conversation. She asked me several times if we can hang out. I told her I did not think it was a good idea. I told her that I don't think that I would have the strength to not go back to those things if we were to get together. She had a hard time with that, but ultimately she was supportive. The conversation ended really well and I was happy that I made the decision not to see her. The next morning I had to work. While I was handing out medication to the boys that I work with I received a phone call. It was this girl's mother. She introduced herself and right then my heart sank. I tried not to show any emotion because I was at work. She basically told me to stay away from her daughter and that she knew all the things that are going on. I told her that I can do that. Now, this incident through off my whole day. I was feeling depressed, lonely, hurt, sad, etc. I had a really hard time with it. Toward the end of the day I started to gain some perspective. I started to think about how it felt. As I was thinking about how I was feeling I realized that the Lord had used this experience to wake me up. To bring back the motivation for change. I realized that this is not the way that I want to live my life. I don't want to feel like this all the time. What a blessing. I talked with my mother later that night and I felt her love and she was very supportive of me. It was amazing that such a trial and a challenge turned out to be such a blessing. A blessing in disguise.

Random thought

Since I have this blog now I feel required to write things on it. Sometimes I just struggle with what I should talk about. I guess free hand is just my style. So the title Jaren's Thoughts is appropriate. Because this is honestly what I think about on a day to day basis. Anyway, I was sitting in church today and I was thinking about what I can be doing to improve the world. I started to think about doing seminars for free.. but who would come? I thought about asking to give a talk.. but that didn't seem right either. Then the thought came to me.. I want to run a fireside. I am not sure if it is even practical for me to do a fireside, but I want to. I guess I just want to be able to share some things that I have experienced in life and be able to discuss it with a group of people. I love to write this blog because it gives me a little sense of that. I get to express my innermost feelings without censorship. I am not sure exactly why I wrote this post.. I was just thinking about it.

Uncle Jare Bear

So I was just talking to my friend Katie. We were talking about family and how our family dynamic works. As I was talking I started to think about my brother and how he is going to have his first baby soon. I couldn't help but be excited. This will be my first biological niece/nephew. As we continued to talk I started to feel kind of worried. I realized that a baby is a big responsibility. I started to wonder if I would be able to take on the responsibility. It will be some time before I have a baby, but I think I have some things I would like to get right before I am a father. Like find a wife for instance. Anyway, I cannot wait to have a little Hamel to receive into my glorious family.

Happy Valley

I just got done watching the movie "Happy Valley". It has left me with a lot of thoughts. I am so grateful for the blessings in my life. I am grateful to learn from the example of others. What a blessing it is to learn from others. I see such a great need for us to bond together as people. We are all brothers and sisters. We need to treat each other as such. We are in this together. No one person is better than another. We are just on different planes. Look for those who need a hand up. Then look upward to the hand that is outstretched to you. Allow others to boost you up and boost those who need it. If you have a grudge against someone, I plead with you to let it go. You are trapped if you have a grudge. My friends.. we are supposed to be happy. If you are not, find the things in your life that are array. Set them straight. If you are looking for someone to talk to.. call me! I am more than willing to help any way I can. May we all resolve to be better. To get a copy of the video "Happy Valley" go to www.ronwilliams.org.

Be the miracle.