Monday, May 18, 2009
So the other day I was thinking that I needed to get my life back on track. I was starting to slack on prayer and scripture study. The problem was, I had no motivation to do it. I was caught in the snare of laziness. Well, I decided to try to pray and tell the Lord how I was feeling. I was not expecting anything to really happen because I was basically telling the Lord that I was not committed to keeping his commandments. A couple of days went by. On Saturday night I received a phone call from a girl in my past. I was excited to hear her voice because there were some great memories and she is a really cool girl. On the other hand I was nervous because I had done some things with this girl that I was not proud of. I felt some of those old feelings coming back during the conversation. She asked me several times if we can hang out. I told her I did not think it was a good idea. I told her that I don't think that I would have the strength to not go back to those things if we were to get together. She had a hard time with that, but ultimately she was supportive. The conversation ended really well and I was happy that I made the decision not to see her. The next morning I had to work. While I was handing out medication to the boys that I work with I received a phone call. It was this girl's mother. She introduced herself and right then my heart sank. I tried not to show any emotion because I was at work. She basically told me to stay away from her daughter and that she knew all the things that are going on. I told her that I can do that. Now, this incident through off my whole day. I was feeling depressed, lonely, hurt, sad, etc. I had a really hard time with it. Toward the end of the day I started to gain some perspective. I started to think about how it felt. As I was thinking about how I was feeling I realized that the Lord had used this experience to wake me up. To bring back the motivation for change. I realized that this is not the way that I want to live my life. I don't want to feel like this all the time. What a blessing. I talked with my mother later that night and I felt her love and she was very supportive of me. It was amazing that such a trial and a challenge turned out to be such a blessing. A blessing in disguise.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Since I have this blog now I feel required to write things on it. Sometimes I just struggle with what I should talk about. I guess free hand is just my style. So the title Jaren's Thoughts is appropriate. Because this is honestly what I think about on a day to day basis. Anyway, I was sitting in church today and I was thinking about what I can be doing to improve the world. I started to think about doing seminars for free.. but who would come? I thought about asking to give a talk.. but that didn't seem right either. Then the thought came to me.. I want to run a fireside. I am not sure if it is even practical for me to do a fireside, but I want to. I guess I just want to be able to share some things that I have experienced in life and be able to discuss it with a group of people. I love to write this blog because it gives me a little sense of that. I get to express my innermost feelings without censorship. I am not sure exactly why I wrote this post.. I was just thinking about it.